Loss.

You’ve probably noticed that things have been a little quiet over here at Jolly Mom. The truth is that 2011 ended on a very sad note for me. Right before Christmas, I found out that I was pregnant. Mike and I weren’t technically trying yet, but we’d stopped officially preventing that month. So while we were surprised—we weren’t completely shocked. We were elated.

 

 

Since we were just days away from Christmas, we decided to break the news to our families at my parents’ annual Christmas Eve party. It seemed like fate since 5 years earlier, we told our families about being pregnant with Lucas on Christmas Eve too. This time, it would be Lucas who would tell our families the good news. “I’m going to be a big brother!” My mom, who has been pestering me for the past year to hurry up and have another baby, was in disbelief. Her eyes filled up with tears. My dad, in-laws, brothers—everyone was so happy. Mike and I were so happy. I started brushing up on baby stuff again. I even bought a whole new maternity wardrobe. Not terribly smart, I know.

But it was not to be. The following Wednesday, I woke up and was spotting. My heart sunk. I knew that something was terribly wrong. No matter how many times I read that spotting is normal in some pregnancies, I knew. I went in to my OB/GYN on Friday and she told me not to panic yet. They did blood work and told me to come back on Monday to repeat the tests and they would compare the hormone levels to make sure they were rising appropriately. Unfortunately, that night spotting turned into a miscarriage. And, that’s how we spent New Year’s Eve weekend.

I’ll be honest; I never imagined that having a miscarriage at 5 weeks 5 days pregnant would affect me so much. But it did and still does. This baby was already loved—even if just for a short while. A loss is a loss.

I spent the next week in bed–recovering from the physical aspect of a miscarriage, but mostly trying to get through the emotional part. Thanks to my parents, we are now at the beach in Florida where we are spending time together as a family. Just being here at the beach with Mike and Lucas and our dog, Aries has done wonders for me. I’m feeling a lot better now.

I want to thank those of you who have expressed concern about where I’ve been these past couple of weeks. Those of you who started out as people I knew online, who are now some of my best friends in the whole world. Those of you who dropped flowers off at my house or sent me sweet emails. It means so much to me to know that I have so many people in my life who care and who notice when I’m not around. I love you guys!